Emma's Journal
by Althaea11
Summary: Random pages from Emma's Journal. Swan Queen. Family.


"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me."

Dear Diary,

You have to understand. I feel privileged to have these two people in my life. These are not just mere words to fill a void, nothing spoken just in the moment of vulnerability, this is the truth. I have been through so much in those early years of my life, spiraled through so much pain and still here these two are, standing in front of me, molding me into who I really want to be. A mother, a friend, a family; although I have to agree I didn't see any of this coming few years back. I had this clear picture in my mind of how solitude will be my only friend. I thought I will spend my life alone, not because I couldn't find anyone to share it with, but because I didn't want to. Nothing was worth the pain of all those years, the rejection and abandonment, the loss and the hurt. I did not even feel that I could be a good chance for my only kid. But I was wrong, definitely wrong. They are definitely worth it; all of it and more. I would happily bear the ups and downs of being a savior of a fairy tale land, fighting monsters and dragons, struggling with demons and wraiths, just for them to be there in my life; to be theirs.

You have to see these two around me to know what I am saying. Henry, the kid that believes in almost everything that has the faintest ray of hope, no matter the darkness that might be engulfing it, and fight for it, every moment, never giving up, never stopping, he is just the most compassionate kid I have ever come to know. I love him of course, because I am his mother, that comes automatically, but it is not just that. I see him more than just that. He was the one who brought me back to me, made me the version of me that I wanted all along. Believe it or not, nobody else could have done that. I was in a shell. I had wrapped myself in layers of desolation and resentment, alone and away. He made me see through. He made me realize that I will be better off without this, that even though pain was inevitable, it certainly was worth something; something amazing. And perhaps, the only person that knows this feeling, this dilemma that I had once been in, is the one person who gave the most precious bit of my soul his best chance, Regina. She has been good, then broken and then in the worst spot before she has risen above the ashes of her past to be the mother Henry deserves, to be the person she deserves. Happy endings sound so cliché given I am the savior and all, but these two people, they are, be it any other world, any other time, mine.

She sees me through, Regina. She sees that we share the pain and the will to overcome it; probably because we share a son. But no, that is not it. I have seen it in her eyes. The way she looks at me sometimes, in those fleeting moments, when nobody else is watching, she looks into my soul and still holds on to me. She is not afraid of the hurt that might possibly come just by being there for me, no, she is genuine. She is willing to walk the difficult path with me just because she thinks I never gave up on her. How am I ever going to tell her that it was me holding onto her even when she wasn't herself, she was my savior. In my heart I know that this, she has always been the one to love and care with all her being. She will go to extremes to save you or to destroy you. The most resilient, the most giving can do that, and only them. She is this person. Others may never see it, but I can feel it. Even after all the wrongs and misguided notions she has lived with, the heart that defines her, never really faded. It was there all along. All she needed was a little light and as with me, Henry was it, her guiding light who brought her back from the depths of darkness.

So you have to really know that I mean it when I say, that these two souls, they are the light I am blessed with and no matter what may happen, and they will always shine through me like a guiding star.


End file.
